Start with the post before this one.
...
Or maybe, just maybe, having our babies this close together will be the best thing we've ever done. Maybe one day we'll look back and say that we couldn't have imagined it any other way. Maybe one or both of us would have lost our fertility otherwise or maybe, just maybe, we would have never "decided" that the time was right to have another baby. Maybe the babies will be the best of buddies and provide each other with years and years of companionship. Maybe Theo will take to the baby right away and somehow understand that he or she requires a gentler touch. Maybe it will be no time at all before having a baby brother or sister is all Theo can remember. Maybe one day he will appreciate that we gave him a sibling close enough in age to be his very best friend.
Maybe this (vaginal) birth will go smoother than the last one. Maybe the shoulder dystocia last time had nothing to do with my gestational diabetes and this baby will decide to come out less...traumatically (for both of us). Maybe this baby will latch right on and I won't have to go through the torture of teaching a newborn (and myself) how to breastfeed. Maybe this baby will have a calm, happy personality and will sleep through the night at a young age like Theo did. Maybe we will get lucky (again). Or maybe we already have.
Maybe this baby will make our family complete. (Maybe not). Maybe sharing the responsibility and honor of parenting two children will bring us closer. Maybe things will all work out (because really, what's the alternative?). Maybe we'll find that living in that tiny house for just a bit longer opened doors that we would've otherwise missed. Maybe, amidst all the chaos, we will take family vacations and lots of pictures and relish the fleeting moments that we have to spend with our kids.
Maybe, just maybe, we'll realize what a gift it is to be parents. (Maybe we already do). Maybe we'll make the most of each experience, agonizing and rewarding alike. Maybe we'll look at this baby, just like we look at Theo, and think proudly to ourselves we did that...we made that...we're like...magical sorcerers who can make the bestest, cutest, coolest kids ever.
Just maybe,
~C~
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
what if?
What if the baby has colic and cries ALL the time?
What if everyone's disappointed with his or her gender?
What if the baby doesn't sleep through the night at 8 weeks like Theo did? What if it's 8 months or 3 years?
What if Theo wakes up every time the baby wakes up and can't go back to sleep?
What if I (physically? emotionally?) can't handle two babies? Not just two kids, two babies.
What if he or she gets stuck coming out? And breaks a shoulder or has brain damage or worse?
What if I have to have a c-section this time?
What if my recovery is a lot worse than last time?
What if this baby changes Theo somehow? What if he doesn't like the baby and is always mean to it?
What if he thinks I love him less because I'm always with a new baby?
What if I have to tell him "no" when he wants me to play with him or read him a book? What if he hates me?
What if I'm sad and crazy after the baby is born because my hormones are out of control and I'm feeling overwhelmed and alone?
What if we never get the time (and nerve) to list our house so we never sell it and are squished like sardines forever?
What if I never fix my hair or put on make up or brush my teeth or leave the house again?
What if my friends forget about me and I become completely irrelevant?
What if the baby won't latch on and I have to go through the same nightmare to establish breastfeeding this one that I did with Theo?
What if my husband and I never take or make time for each other anymore and turn into just friends? Or worse, co-parents?
What if I'm never, ever well-rested again?
What if I don't get rid of all these pre-baby jitters before next Thursday?
to be continued,
~C~
What if everyone's disappointed with his or her gender?
What if the baby doesn't sleep through the night at 8 weeks like Theo did? What if it's 8 months or 3 years?
What if Theo wakes up every time the baby wakes up and can't go back to sleep?
What if I (physically? emotionally?) can't handle two babies? Not just two kids, two babies.
What if he or she gets stuck coming out? And breaks a shoulder or has brain damage or worse?
What if I have to have a c-section this time?
What if my recovery is a lot worse than last time?
What if this baby changes Theo somehow? What if he doesn't like the baby and is always mean to it?
What if he thinks I love him less because I'm always with a new baby?
What if I have to tell him "no" when he wants me to play with him or read him a book? What if he hates me?
What if I'm sad and crazy after the baby is born because my hormones are out of control and I'm feeling overwhelmed and alone?
What if we never get the time (and nerve) to list our house so we never sell it and are squished like sardines forever?
What if I never fix my hair or put on make up or brush my teeth or leave the house again?
What if my friends forget about me and I become completely irrelevant?
What if the baby won't latch on and I have to go through the same nightmare to establish breastfeeding this one that I did with Theo?
What if my husband and I never take or make time for each other anymore and turn into just friends? Or worse, co-parents?
What if I'm never, ever well-rested again?
What if I don't get rid of all these pre-baby jitters before next Thursday?
to be continued,
~C~
Monday, May 2, 2011
falling behind
Seems like I am falling behind on everything these days, and why should the blog be any exception? I have some pictures on my camera that I have been wanting to edit and upload - others that I just want to put on cds for friends - and I can't seem to make time for any of it. That makes me sad. I got a super awesome camera for Christmas and I haven't even been able to make time to read the instruction guide so that I can start taking better pictures with it. Part of the problem is our computer - it's 6 years old and a piece of junk. The battery does not work at all, so it has to be plugged into the wall. You have to wiggle the cord and get it just right and then hold it...so you've basically got one hand to work with while hoping for all hope that the thing doesn't just zap out and shut off on you while you're in mid-transfer or mid-edit or mid-whatever.
My cell phone is about to give me an anxiety attack. I got it on New Year's Eve...you know, the one 4 months ago, and we have gotten 3 (refurbished) replacements and replaced the battery twice. Still, half the time when the battery gets low, it absolutely will not charge and then it's dead, and then I'm in a panic because (like most of the people we know) we don't have a home phone. The babysitter can't get in touch with me. I can't get in touch with my husband. The only way I can reach my husband is to get on the computer (you understand how trying that can be) and instant message him (if he is at his desk at work). Troublesome. We are not getting the solutions we deserve (and are paying for) from Verizon, but that's a story for another day.
We are having a baby in 10 days (eeeeeeeee!) and our camcorder is on the fritz. Unacceptable.
I miss the way it used to be. I know everything is so much better now, but the more I rely on technology, the more helpless I feel. I want a new breast pump ($300). I want/need a double stroller ($300). Now does not seem like the time to buy a new computer or video camera or this or that.
Everything costs money and nothing is reliable. It's so frustrating. On top of having issues with everything, there's never any time to deal with any of it to make it right. My husband would add to the list that the television of his dreams that is less than 2 years old now has random vertical blue lines that come and go from time to time. Does everyone have these problems or are we really just that lucky?
At least I have a nice camera - no complaints about that (yet). I'm excited to take pictures of my new (calm, still, sleeping) baby. Theo is harder to capture. Hopefully I'll get some time to upload some pictures from Easter and a few of the one year pics I took of him myself (don't laugh...I said I haven't had time to study and hone my skills).
spinning,
~C~
My cell phone is about to give me an anxiety attack. I got it on New Year's Eve...you know, the one 4 months ago, and we have gotten 3 (refurbished) replacements and replaced the battery twice. Still, half the time when the battery gets low, it absolutely will not charge and then it's dead, and then I'm in a panic because (like most of the people we know) we don't have a home phone. The babysitter can't get in touch with me. I can't get in touch with my husband. The only way I can reach my husband is to get on the computer (you understand how trying that can be) and instant message him (if he is at his desk at work). Troublesome. We are not getting the solutions we deserve (and are paying for) from Verizon, but that's a story for another day.
We are having a baby in 10 days (eeeeeeeee!) and our camcorder is on the fritz. Unacceptable.
I miss the way it used to be. I know everything is so much better now, but the more I rely on technology, the more helpless I feel. I want a new breast pump ($300). I want/need a double stroller ($300). Now does not seem like the time to buy a new computer or video camera or this or that.
Everything costs money and nothing is reliable. It's so frustrating. On top of having issues with everything, there's never any time to deal with any of it to make it right. My husband would add to the list that the television of his dreams that is less than 2 years old now has random vertical blue lines that come and go from time to time. Does everyone have these problems or are we really just that lucky?
At least I have a nice camera - no complaints about that (yet). I'm excited to take pictures of my new (calm, still, sleeping) baby. Theo is harder to capture. Hopefully I'll get some time to upload some pictures from Easter and a few of the one year pics I took of him myself (don't laugh...I said I haven't had time to study and hone my skills).
spinning,
~C~
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