Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Anyway, I've been thinking about what I'm thankful for over the past couple of weeks. I'm thankful for everything wonderful in my life. I'm thankful for the things I have because I'm lucky and I'm thankful for the things I have because I'm determined to make my own good luck. I'm thankful for all the changes in my life this year.
And it's been a crazy year. When I wrote this post 12 months ago, I didn't know what all my family and my relationship would endure this year. My grandfather died. My sister got pregnant after trying for over a year and is due with a baby girl in a few weeks. I got a new job that I love. In the midst of all that, Ryan and I argued more this summer and fall than we ever have because of all the stress we were dealing with over this house. This home of ours. The six months since Dexter's 1st birthday in May have been a blur. Shortly after his birthday, we moved out of our house and in with Ryan's parents. We certainly didn't plan on living there for five months, but that's what happened.
We kept searching for a home and when we found the one we ended up buying, we weren't happy. We felt like we got suckered. A total fixer upper. So we've spent countless hours over the past months working on the house and sacrificing time with our family. Now we have been in our house (that is far from done) for about a month. Was it a big transition? Not at all. Seamless. Ryan and I went back to the couple that loves spending time together. We went back to being the parents that feed their kids dinner and put them to bed every night. We went back to plain old boring us. Which is all I ever wanted.
After all of this, I'm thankful for our house. One day it will be everything we want it to be. We will have provided our kids with room to grow and play and enough space to have their friends sleep over. We want to be the parents that have the house where the boys hang out with their friends. Open door policy. I'm thankful that we were able to purchase a home.
I'm eternally thankful to my in-laws. My in-laws who let us live with them for 5 months. My mother-in-law who watched the boys night after night, weekend after weekend, while we worked on the house. My mother-in-law, who cooked us dinner and cleaned up after us, and gave the boys hugs and kisses while we were gone. My father-in-law, who has spent more of his own time and energy on our house than we have. My father-in-law, who could build a house by himself, and has spent countless days working by himself on our house while we were at work. My father-in-law, who always has an idea of how to fix something. How to fit something. How to make things work. My father-in-law, who is teaching my husband everything he knows about being handy so that one day, Ryan can teach Theo and Dexter.
I literally don't know where we'd be without them. Maybe we wouldn't have had the nerve to buy this crazy house if it weren't for them. Maybe we'd live in an apartment for a year while we were fixing it up. I. Don't. Know. But what I do know is that they're there for us, through thick and thin, and we could never repay them. They're my second set of parents. I'm thankful to have amazing in-laws and a wonderful relationship with them.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
And has anyone else tried the Zoku? Thoughts?
Monday, November 12, 2012
Here we are in the middle of November and halfway to your 2nd birthday already. On 11/13/12 at 7:05 a.m., you will be 1 and a 1/2 years old! You are so happy, easy going, and such a joy to be around. You're also a mischievous little guy who likes to flash a sly grin when you're doing something you know you're not supposed to do.
You're FINALLY getting some more teeth. You'd had the same 7 since you were about 10 months old but now you're getting the fourth on the bottom and your incisors on the top. You've been a little wild and crazy and sometimes grumpy lately, which I attribute to these mean teeth coming through, but overall you're handling it like a champ.
You love to eat. Period. You like your milk. We still give you milk in the mornings and before bed because you love it. You gulp it down and sometimes, if we're lucky, you'll go back to sleep in the morning afterwards. Sleep - that's what we need to talk about. You still wake up EARLY! Not 5am early like you used to every day, but sometimes 6. Here recently, you've started occasionally sleeping til 7 and maybe that will become the norm over the next few months. Please and thank you.
You started sharing a room with your brother over the past couple of weeks and so far I'm really pleased! You guys get along and play together better than ever and we haven't had much trouble getting you guys to go to sleep at night. Usually we put you to bed a few minutes before Theo or else... you'll be up yelling and wanting to play for 45 minutes! I can hear Theo through the monitor telling you "Dexter! It's bedtime! Go to sleep!" He's one to talk, isn't he?
You're talking more and more and saying things I've never heard you say before. You say "I want" followed by the thing that you want all the time. Whether it's "to eat," "a bath," "to play," "down," "up," "to read," "Neee" (our cat Niko), "potty" (you don't really do that...you just watch your brother sometimes), etc. The list goes on and on. You will repeat anything and everything that we say (or at least try).
Boy, you want to be JUST like Theo. Wherever he is, there you are. If you're not there, if I wait long enough, you'll show up. You want to play what he's playing. Read what he's reading. Watch what he's watching. Sit where he's sitting. You two are too cute. Watching you guys together makes mama a happy gal.
You're so brave. You know no danger. You know no stranger. I was just telling your dad the other day that I don't think I've ever seen you bleed. Your brother was only about 9 months old the first time he busted his lip...and he's done this several times since then. He's had various other boo boos. But I can't think of a single time you've had a cut or busted lip. I hope I didn't just jinx you! I guess you're somewhat cautious in your adventures...you haven't led us to the ER yet.
I still love that you have blonde hair and blue eyes. We call you Blondie a lot. And Dex. Dexy. Deezy. Deezy von Weezy. My sweet. And again...the list goes on. You're wearing mostly 18-24 months clothes. Still in a crib. You've never climbed out (yet). You still like 2+ hr naps in the afternoon. You still have the biggest smile and brighest eyes of any little blondie I've ever known.
I'm really looking forward to the next six months to see how you change and how your vocabulary grows. How your independence and relationship with Theo grows. I'm looking forward to watching you develop your own interests and talents even more and fostering those things for you. I'm looking forward to holidays and lazy Saturday mornings with cartoons on the couch. I'm looking forward to being with you and just being your mama for the rest of my life.
You're my sweet. You're my baby and you always will be.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
My Facebook feed has been absolutely littered with hate. Hate for Obama, hate for anyone who has ever received public assistance, and hate for people who voted for Obama, hate-hate-hate. It's disturbing. It has nothing to do with the issues but everything to do with attitudes. There's a huge difference between supporting a candidate or party and spreading hate towards the other. I read a lot more anti-Democrat and anti-Obama posts than anything from my conservative friends. I could probably count on one hand the number of pro-Romney posts I read. I read lots of pro-Obama posts from my liberal pals. What I've gathered from this simple observation is that Democrats love Obama and Republicans love to hate him. I've been trying to figure out the point of posting something every.single.day to remind everyone that they still hate the thing/person/party that they hated yesterday?
Are these posts meant to change my mind? Not mine personally, but people who think like me?
Are they meant to try to prove something or one-up someone? To make them feel better about themselves and their position in life?
Are they meant to form a camaraderie with other like-minded people? By spewing hate and criticism instead of support?
Or are they meant to offend me? Because when people call me (as part of the general population) an idiot for holding the beliefs I hold, I'm a little offended. I'm an intelligent college graduate and I think like one, thankyouverymuch, and just because I'm a liberal it doesn't mean that I think the government should support me.
No one, regardless of how many angry, spiteful or well-written posts they share, is going to change my mind and my convictions. I don't feel the need to try to change anyone else's mind or convince them to see things the way I see them. That's not my burden. I certainly don't want my friends to feel that I think they're stupid because we don't see eye to eye on gay marriage or public assistance or war or healthcare or whatever-the-case-may-be. Them thinking I'm dumb doesn't change my mind. It just makes me question my "friend"ship with them if they can't respect me.
The division I've seen over the past weeks saddens me. Only during election season do these claws come out. I try not to take it personally, really. And nothing has ever been directed at me personally. But I kind of do and it kind of has because my beliefs have been indirectly attacked. They are part of who I am. They make me compassionate. They make me work hard. They make me want to raise my boys to be compassionate and hard working. Take me or leave me - I'm not changing.
And I just had to get that off my chest.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
As it turns out, so far it has been fine. Our big boy really has proven to be just that so far by staying in his bed, not partying all night, and not keeping his brother up all night. They are fine if we put them to bed at the same time, but they will talk/yell to each other for about 30-45 minutes. It seems to work better if we put Dexter to bed about 20-30 minutes earlier than Theo. He has been really good about staying quiet when he knows Dexter is asleep. Theo is a pretty sound sleeper, so even on the days Dexter wakes up early for milk (yes, we still heat up milk for Dexter at 5:45 am most days), Theo sleeps in. Saturday both kids slept til almost 8. EIGHT! Couldn't believe it.
So the big bed and room-sharing is great. The mom/homemaker/nurturer in me has been happy as a clam for the past week. Theo and Dexter have been getting along so well. My heart bursts every time they hug each other. Every time I catch Theo trying to teach Dexter something. Every time I sneak a peek into their room because it's too quiet and see them sitting on Theo's bed playing with something together. It feels amazing to just cook their dinner and give them a bath here and do the most normal, ordinary, mundane, boring things. That's all I wanted. They love this house. It's far from done, but it's home. It's already our home sweet home. Blood, sweat, and tears have all been shed here to make this place our home.
The OCD person in me still sees unpacked boxes and piles of tools and unpainted cabinets, etc. But those things can wait. We're home now. We're with our kids every day. I never have to miss a bedtime or dinnertime or storytime. It's all I've been wanting for the past 3+ months.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Theo was pretty excited about using the potty a few months ago. I blogged about and everything so you know it was like...whoa. He did really well. I didn't wanna push him or stress him out. We got busy working on the house and I didn't feel like it was my mother-in-law's job to potty train my kid. So I slacked off and Theo got lazy. He hearts a diaper.
I would talk to him about it from time to time. Suggested wearing underwear. He'd blatantly refuse. Throw fits. I quit asking. Here we are, weeks since the last time he'd worn underwear or peed in the potty. I don't know why, but a little over a week ago I started negotiating with him. I told him if he wanted to play outside, I needed him to wear underwear. He told me "mommy, I'll pee in the grass." I said that was fine, no big deal, but if he did, we'd have to stop playing to come in and get cleaned up. No accidents.
The next day I asked him if he would just wear underwear in the car in the way to the sitter's house. He caved for a sticker. The next day was tougher. He was crying and throwing a fit. I asked why and he said he didn't want to poop in his underwears (he's never dropped a deuce in the toilet). I explained that he had already pooped that morning so he would be fine. No problems. That was last Friday.
He's very aware of when he has his diaper vs. underwear on. He asks "am I wearing underwears still?" "Can I pee in my diaper?" Etc. He is smart enough to do it...he totally gets it. Now it's just a matter of consistency on my part. He has to learn that this is the norm. This is what's expected. He's worn underwear to the sitter the last 7 days that he's gone and then worn his underwear all day except for nap & bedtime. I think he's had 2 accidents.
Now if I could figure out how to get him to poop in the toilet. What's that all about?
Sunday, October 21, 2012
You'd know that I suck at crowds and I'm not great with strangers. I have some social anxiety, which I guess is linked to my not-so-fabulous self esteem. You'd know that I'm incredibly shy and if I feel awkward around someone, I'll probably just make an excuse to slip away. I'm good one on one, or even talking to a couple new people at once...but only if they're more talkative than me. No crowds of new people please. I hate the spotlight. Being the guest of honor at a party or event gives me bubble guts.
You'd know I hate onions and Brad Paisley, but I love chili and Sugarland. You'd know I met my husband at Disney World and that we were in a long distance relationship for almost four years before we got married.
You'd know I sleep on my stomach, I love animated movies (Little Mermaid especially), and I'm grumpy if I don't wake up on my own. You'd know I used to want a little girl so bad that I said if I had two boys, I'd try one more time for a girl (and you'd know I've changed my mind).
You'd know that I didn't have my first kiss until I was 15 and that I have never used drugs. None. Never. You'd know my 2 bestest friends from high school are both named Emily and that I spent so much time with them that they became an entity known as "the Emilies" for years. You'd know that my mama treats those girls like family.
You'd know I love my babies more than anything in the whole wide world and that I'd do anything to make them smile. You'd know that I'm quick to lose my patience and that I often second guess my parenting. You'd know that my little family is my world and I'm doing my best for them.
Thanks to Sarah for the inspiration.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Becoming a mother, without a doubt, was the greatest gift of my life. The most monumental honor, privilege, and responsbility that has ever been given to me. I dreamed having a child since I was a child myself. Envisioned myself with a pregnant belly, breathing "hee hee hoo" through labor, and kissing that precious, pink, screaming baby when the doctor laid him on my chest. Minus the "hee hee hoo," all of that pretty much happened like it was supposed to.
It's amazing. Phenomenal. Words can't really even describe the love and emotions I have felt since becoming a mother. It's the most beautiful, heart-wrenching experience. Each day I look at my kids and I'm proud of them. Literally - my pride and joy. I have real conversations with Theo that make me laugh and beam.
But other times, I think about how much my life has changed. For the better? Without a doubt. For the worse? Yeah, that too. Yep, I said it.
When I am not at work, I give my family 110% of myself. It might be too much. I don't have anything left to give to anyone else, including myself. 99% of the time, I don't even answer the phone if I am with my family. Granted, part of that is out of respect for the person calling me because there's a good chance my kids will be yelling in the background anyway. Lately I just don't have that much quality time to spend with my kids and husband, so when I'm with them, I'm with them. Make sense?
I have friends that I used to talk to on the phone every.single.day. For like...an hour. I used to spend time with my friends. I used to drive long distances to see friends. I would sing loud in the car to music I liked. I used to go to concerts and bookstores and coffee shops and just hang out. I don't need a break from my kids - I just need time for friends. Time for myself.
When I had kids, everything changed. For the most part, my bond with kidless friends faded and bonds with other people that have kids have grown. Because of a couple reasons, I guess. 1. Because the kidless friends don't always understand that 8pm dinner doesn't cut it anymore. I have to be home by 8 so the kids can be in bed by 8:30pm. And yeah ... I wanna be there to tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. No, I can't just up and leave to meet you at Barnes&Noble at 2:30 in the afternoon. Kids are napping. Naps are sacred. SACRED. 2. Because friends with kids help me cope with the craziness. Strength in numbers. Getting together is fun because guess what? Their house is kid-proof and I don't have to worry as much about what my toddlers can destroy. Also? It's cute to see the kids developing their own friendships.
The thing about kids with friends though...there are always kids. I love the kids. Theirs. Mine. Theirs and mine together. But there's never an opportunity for adult female friends to just hang out as adult female friends and not as moms, whose conversations are always interrupted by diapers, tantrums, spilled plates, and the like.
I miss having friends. Time with friends. Having a family and being a mom is how I identify myself 100% of the time. 99% of the time, I'm fine with that. I don't ever want to give that up. I just want to find that other person who still lives inside of me. Her name is Candice. The friend. The wife. The music lover, movie goer, book reader, gym visitor, phone answerer, blogger, Candice.
Do you ever feel this way? Please tell me I'm not alone. (Because that would probably mean I'm just a selfish person and terrible mom in general).