Since I've got two weeks off between jobs + a house that needs LOTS of work and updates, I've been spending as much time as possible at the house doing whatever I can to get it (more) ready for us to move in to. That means getting up in the morning and getting the boys ready for the day, whether that means going to the babysitter's house or staying home with Nana, and then only seeing them for another hour or so each day. This is the hard part.
I keep thinking it will all be worth it. I have only been going at these long days for a week or so but I feel like it's been 10 years since I've spent any time with my kids and I really miss them. I wonder if they think about me when I'm not around because they cross my mind 10 times a minute. I know they're fine without me around. But what do they think? Do they miss me? I'm looking forward to moving into our house and living there as a family. Dinners there, baths there, bedtime there. Living with my husband there. Seeing the improvements we make over time. This is the hard part.
My mom is in town. She has been hard at work painting for me the last 4 days. I can't wait to show you what she's done! I'd be lost without her, my father-in-law, and my mother-in-law. I asked my mom what she thought dad would be working on if he was still here with us. She laughed and said, "probably whatever you told him to." I sure miss him at times like this. I know he would love our house, flaws and all, and would do anything he could to help us make it better. This is the hard part.
The house looks worse than it did when we bought it because it truly is a construction zone right now. We keep asking ourselves how we ended up in a total fixer upper when we have no time and very little money to make it the way we want it. We can't keep beating ourselves up for our questionable decision making skills. We have to look to the future and realize how great this house WILL be one day. This is the hard part.
I really do believe one day we will look back at these days fondly and admire the work that we did. The love that our family shared with us throughout this process.. Their talent, their generosity, their time, their aching backs and knees, and the list goes on and on. I just have to keep telling myself that it will be worth it. It won't always be like this. This right here, this is the hard part.