Wednesday, November 17, 2010

the end.

On Monday, November 15, 2010, Theo was exactly 8 months and one week old. 

On Monday, November 15, 2010, Theo took the last sip of his mama's milk. 

It was the last bag of frozen breastmilk we had in the freezer.  So as I fed him his bottle, I felt a little sad.  I hadn't realized that I had probably already nursed him for the last time, but I guess I have, since right now it's been 5 days since he last nursed and I don't even feel "the pressure" to do so. 

And that little stinker threatened to not finish the bottle.  It was only 5 ounces and he drank 3 and started pushing it away.  I kept shoving it back in his mouth but figured I could probably just save it and offer it to him again a few minutes later.  Which I did, and he drank it.  And that was it.  I am done breastfeeding my baby boy. 

On one hand, I'm really sad that I didn't make it to a year, but I know that the reasons for this are beyond my control.  I guess that helps a little.  It's not as if I chose to be done.  But at the same time, I didn't go nuts taking herbs or visiting the lactation consultant to see what I could do to boost my dying supply either.  For that, I feel a little guilty.  I guess 8 months isn't so bad. 

On the other hand, damn! Formula is easy.  I didn't know any different with Theo, but when we have another baby, I wonder if it will be harder to stick with the pumping and freezing and thawing and etc etc etc EVERY.single.DAY just to keep the breast milk flowing. 

I feel so free not having to lug that stupid pump to work and take breaks every 3 hours.  Not that I minded the breaks...which I don't really get anymore... but I always hated pumping from day 1. 

I know it's not a big deal to Theo- he adapted so easily to the bottle and has actually had far less issues with spitting up since transitioning to formula gradually.  I don't know if that is because of his stomach getting more tolerant or if it is because of there being less variables in the formula's ingredients than the breast milk.  Who knows?

It's kind of crazy to me that at 6 months he was 100% breast fed.  Now he's 100% not.  That happened way faster than I expected.

It is what it is.  Sigh.


1 comment:

  1. Aww, all such true and raw emotions. Good for you Candice, doing it as long as you possibly could. Theo had 8 months of your yummy, healthy, endlessy good-for-him milk, and for that you should be extremely proud!!! And big props for lugging the pump & accessories all over creation to keep it going. You're such a good Mommy!!