Wednesday, September 8, 2010

6 month letter

Dear Theo,

I can't believe you've been here for half of a year already.  It's so strange how much faster time seems to move now that you're a part of my life.  Before you, not much changed in the span of six months.  But now?  Now you have evolved into a completely different person than the one you were just 26 weeks ago. 

Six months ago you couldn't smile your sweet baby smile.  Or laugh.  Or sit up.  Or bite.  Or eat food (pureed, albeit).  Or sit in your carseat for 5 seconds without wailing.  Or entertain yourself for 5 seconds.  You couldn't sit in the big boy stroller.  Or stay awake for more than an hour (unless it was the middle of the night...then, my boy...then, you had stamina).  You wore the teensiest clothes and they were loose.  You have doubled your birth weight and then some.  You're more than half a foot taller than you were back then.  What if I did that every six months?  See what I mean!?

Your first spring and summer have zoomed past us.  You have no clue that it's about to get bitter cold here in the midwest.  The second six months of your life will be spent in sweaters and mittens and you'll be wrapped up in blankets.  The walks through our neighborhood will become more sparse as the temperature drops.  The sun will sink down behind the bare trees early in the evening.  You will smell new smells, like leaves burning and hot apple cider. 

Your first Halloween, Thanksgiving, steps, words, Christmas, solid foods, and birthday are all still ahead of us!  I know you are going to bring us more and more joy as time continues to fly. 

It's a funny thing, "knowing" you.  When I was pregnant, I could predict your waking and sleeping cycles.  I jokingly reprimanded you for shoving your entire leg between my ribs.  Moments after you were born, I remember thinking that I had known you my whole life and what a relief it was to finally see you, hear you, kiss you, and hold you in my arms.  Two weeks later, I thought I was really getting to know you well as we were figuring out this whole how-to-be-a-mommy/how-to-live-on-the-outside-of-mommy thing.  Now I look back and realize how much your personality has grown.  And guess what?  You can't even talk yet.  Aside from the joyous squeals and your backseat babblings of "ay-ay-ay-ay-ay," you haven't told me much at all.  Not one story, not one joke, not one synopsis of how your day was, or what food you like best.  I can't wait for you to run up to me and give me a hug by wrapping your little arms around my legs.  15 years from now, you might not think I know you at all, but I will always try.  And I will always like you, no matter what you think or how you feel. 

This 6 month birthday of yours coincides with mommy deciding to finally clean out your closet.  I had no idea it would be so emotional for me!  I don't typically save things that I don't need, but it was hard parting with ANYTHING of yours.  You are precious, so all the things that represent you are too.  I will have to work on that, as we are already running out of room.  Now your closet is free from newborn layettes and 0-3 month onesies.  I found myself hugging your tiny outfits to my chest, then running to the next room to show your daddy with a half-smile/half-frown on my face, saying "remember when he wore this!?"  "Remember when he was this tiny!?" Or more accurately, "I can't believe he was ever this tiny!"

The truth is, Sweet Pea, you are still tiny.  I can hold you close and smother you with kisses and you don't try to get away (well, sometimes you're squirmy but usually, you think it's hilarious).  I can carry you on my hip as we stroll down the driveway to check the mail.  You fit on my lap and in my arms.  One day, probably not so far away, I will look back at pictures from this time in our lives and swoon over how small and sweet you were. 

Because I am so painfully aware of that, there's a cloud of sadness that hangs out right next the the rays of happiness and joy that you bring to my life.  Sharing this life with you is a gift and I feel like the luckiest mommy ever, just being able to do so.  But I know, before too long, you will grow up and not need me like you do now.  I hope you will always need your mommy in some way. 

I love you, Sugar.  Happy Six Month Birthday.


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