last night i was holding Dex tight up against me as he arched his back and extended his legs in sleepy protest. i rocked back and forth quickly and forcefully at first, and then more gently as he began to surrender. finally, his blue eyes were closed and i could only see his long eyelashes and the perfection of his smooth, milky skin. i smiled, captivated by his sudden calm and asked R what time it was, knowing i would have to leave for work soon.
"8:42," he said.
"nooo!" i cried in disbelief. i had only sat down with him about 10 minutes earlier and would have to leave soon. i hate how busy our evenings are and how little time i actually get to spend snuggling with my little man.
"you know," i said, "we're not going to be able to do this forever."
"hold him this way." i nodded towards Dex as both of my hands were wrapped around his small, warm body. "we can't rock him to sleep forever."
R shrugged. "well, it's not gonna be easy - he's gonna wake Theo up."
i nodded. "i know. you're right. he's too little anyway and I don't wanna let him cry."
i nuzzled into his cheek with my nose, breathing in his sweet, freshly bathed scent. i kissed his face and paused there for a moment. "i like holding him this way and i wanna do it as long as i can."
and i'm gonna.