Tuesday, September 20, 2011


last night i was holding Dex tight up against me as he arched his back and extended his legs in sleepy protest.  i rocked back and forth quickly and forcefully at first, and then more gently as he began to surrender.  finally, his blue eyes were closed and i could only see his long eyelashes and the perfection of his smooth, milky skin.  i smiled, captivated by his sudden calm and asked R what time it was, knowing i would have to leave for work soon.

"8:42," he said.

"nooo!" i cried in disbelief.  i had only sat down with him about 10 minutes earlier and would have to leave soon.  i hate how busy our evenings are and how little time i actually get to spend snuggling with my little man.

"you know," i said, "we're not going to be able to do this forever."

"do what?"

"hold him this way." i nodded towards Dex as both of my hands were wrapped around his small, warm body.  "we can't rock him to sleep forever."

R shrugged.  "well, it's not gonna be easy - he's gonna wake Theo up."

i nodded.  "i know.  you're right.  he's too little anyway and I don't wanna let him cry."

i nuzzled into his cheek with my nose, breathing in his sweet, freshly bathed scent.  i kissed his face and paused there for a moment.  "i like holding him this way and i wanna do it as long as i can."

and i'm gonna.



  1. Funny you had one of these moments last night. I did the exact same after I nursed Olivia to sleep. I cuddled her up and held her tight to my chest, closed my eyes, took many inhales smelling her sweet sweet skin, sank my lips into her cheeks swallowing her in kisses, and wishing so much I could freeze these moments in time. Hold on to that baby when you can!

  2. As you should! i was so quick to let chessa cry because i believed that her learning to put herself to sleep was going to be the best way to make sure we all got enough sleep. Cole is at about the same age now as Chessa was then, but this time, I'm in no rush. Partly because I worry that he'll wake her up, but also partly because I miss that so much with her. & I want to hang onto it.

  3. it's different the second time around, isn't it girls? thanks for commenting!

  4. I love those snuggly moments :) Thanks for the reminder. Sometimes I catch myself wishing Dawson was a little older so we could go to the park and play or talk to each other but then I remember he will only be this little for a short time and I love every moment!!