Wednesday, March 13, 2013

my 3 year old won't poop in the potty

He never has.  We've tried bribery.  We've tried being stern (once...I didn't like it).  He still refused.  He's smart and sneaky.  He still wears a diaper at night and for naps, so he will hold it until he has one on.  Usually, ten minutes after he lays down for a nap, he will announce that he has pooped.  We've promised him a trip to the ice cream store when he finally drops a deuce.  Still, nothing. 

On the rare occasion when he doesn't nap or poo around nap time, he will simply ask for a diaper.  Obviously he feels the sensation and knows exactly what is going on.  He's capable.  I just don't know if he's scared, if he doesn't know how to relax, or if it is just defiance (I really don't think it's defiance).  Maybe he's just nervous or doesn't know how to make it come out.  He's tried several times but gets frustrated before he ever really relaxes. He can't sit there calmly.

After reading about the 3 day method several different places, I'm tempted to try it.  Cold turkey. No diapers.  Truthfully, the reason I haven't done this yet is because I don't really want to get up in the middle of the night 8 times to change his sheets.  He has never-ever-not-once woken up dry in the morning.  However, he hasn't had an accident the 3 or 4 times someone has forgotten to put a diaper on him at nap time.  This tells me we might be successful with this cold-turkey method.  But if there were no diapers, would he just poop in his underwear?  Or would he poop in the potty?  Knowing my kid, he would hold it until his bowels popped... 

We talked to the doctor about this Monday and he suggested gradually training him rather than taking the diapers away all at once.  He thinks it is fine to bribe him with treats, stickers, etc.  Whatever does the trick.  (He also promised that Theo would not be pooping in a diaper when he's 16...we'll see).  So with his theory, we allow him to poop in the diaper but he has to stand in the bathroom for a week or so (however long it takes him to get comfortable with that).  Then the following week, he has to stand next to the toilet.  The next week, he sits on the toilet (with diaper on).  Finally, we would remove the diaper and sit him on the toilet.  Does this seem like, well, babying him too much?  Or is taking the comfort of his diaper away cold turkey inhumane? 

I just keep going back and forth and I need some advice. 

Your thoughts?

xo,
~C~

10 comments:

  1. My child isn't ready and I have no experience, but I'd say if he is able to go potty in the potty, your idea of making him stand in the bathroom and so on till there is no diaper would be the 'nicest' way to do it. If it's a comfort thing, I wouldn't think 'cold turkey' would help that.
    As I say that, I feel like I'm being a hypocrite because I'm taking Mackenzie's 'comfort' her paci away cold turkey tomorrow.

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    1. Looks like Operation Hidden Paci is going well. :) Let me know if you have any ideas about how I can hide Theo's thumb...

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  2. hmmm I'm just starting down this road but what has helped Izzy to sit there long enough to accomplish using the potty is to let her color, play with something she doesn't normally get like my phone, or brush her teeth...yes I let her brush her teeth on the potty...at least she's sitting still right? good luck!

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    1. Yes, I have tried to get him to read his Elmo Can Use the Potty book while sitting there but he always gets so agitated. It's like he knows what I want him to do so he just starts acting crazy. If I get stern with him about sitting still, he gets upset and starts crying. So... I don't know. I guess he'll do it when he's ready...but that's just annoying! :)

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  3. I like the idea of standing in the bathroom, near the toilet, with the diaper on. Seems like it may work. I'm not sure about cold turkey no diapers. It doesn't sound mean, at least not to Theo, but changing the bed clothes is a pain in the neck.

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    1. And that's 99.9% of the reason we have not done it yet. I think this weekend I will start gradually by not putting a diaper on him at naptime (at least then he's not waking me up if he has an accident, right?)Then if he asks for a diaper, we'll say okay but you have to do it in the bathroom. We'll see!!

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  4. I am not sure what advice to give. We recently went through potty training and to be perfectly honest, I don't remember what we did to remedy Nellie's stubborn poop issue. Probably because I was drunk most of the time to cope with the fact that potty training is the WORST THING EVER.

    I think the gradual thing sounds like it could work if you don't think it's a defiance thing. If it were a defiance thing, I'd say lay the old guilt trip on him: "I am very sad that you..." "I really wish you had done this.." that way you're not being *mean* but you're not being *nice* either.

    I don't know, dude. Potty training sucks. Grab some vodka and huddle in a corner until the kid figures it out.

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  5. Maybe this will help you. Sort of an "Accidental 3 Day Program". When my son was barely 3, and not interested at all in potty training, he got the chicken pox all over his body. He could not bear the feel of a diaper or anything else on top of his pox. For 3 days he went around the house and to bed without a diaper on. NO accidents in or out of bed and after 3 days he was totally potty trained. I guess he knew without a diaper he better do his thing in the right place.

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  7. Pooping in the potty is completely different then pooping in a diaper. Usually toddlers will go squat in a private corner to do their biz. It's very different then trying to go in the sitting position, with people watching, bare butt. Sometimes it helps if you let him sit in there alone. Sometimes it helps if you reward him for pooping in his diaper while sitting on the potty (to get him used to the sitting position). No matter what you do, you will eventually be successful!

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