twenty.thirteen

I haven't blogged since the day before Thanksgiving and I'll tell you why. It's dumb.  It's not that I haven't had time. It's not that I haven't wanted to.  It's not that I haven't had things to say.  The last time I blogged, I tried to upload several photos and I got a big, fat, ugly error message from Blogger saying I had met my capacity for photos on this website. Whuuuut.  I didn't even know that was a thing.  So yeah, I know I can blog without photos, but I don't want to.  This is the place where I have been sharing and storing the scrapbook of my kids' lives.  i didn't know that was going to happen and I'm so blog-dumb that I don't even know what to do.  Just not sure I want to pay Google to let me continue posting pictures on here.  I don't even know what my options are.  So.  I've just been turned off about blogging.  There are loads of pictures from Thanksgiving, my nephew's 8th birthday, my sister's baby shower, and Christmas on my camera, just waiting for their home on this blog.  I've got a lot of catching up to do, once I figure out how/what to do.  I guess this should be one of my resolutions, right?

But this is January 1, 2013, so it's time to move on and get back in the swing of things.  Last year I attempted a Project 365...taking/editing/posting a photo each day. Failed after about 100+ days.  It was fun and I really loved it because it forced me to pull the camera out EVERY DAY.  Now, weeks go by without me using my fancy camera to take a picture of the boys.  I try to catch a cute pic here and there on my phone and post them to Instagram but we all know that's not the same. 

There are so many things I want/need to improve in 2013.  It's a long, long list and I know it's unrealistic to believe I can make a dent in so many areas of my life.  Instead of calling them resolutions, let's call them areas for improvement. 

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~My Health~

My body...Top priority.  Simply put:  I've let myself go.  I've never been super pre-occupied with my appearance (and it shows).  My current concern is about more than how I look.  I weigh about three pounds less than I weighed the day I gave birth to Dexter.  YUCK. I feel disgusting.  2012 was stressful; it was all about selling our old house and buying a new one.  We spent a lot of time working on the house and eating fast food.  I also quit nursing in March.  There are lots of excuses, but the bottom line is that I've gained twenty pounds this year.  Twenty miserable pounds.  I don't like myself when I look in the mirror.  Partly because my clothes don't fit. Partly because I don't look or feel healthy.  But mainly because I'm ashamed of myself.  I feel like a failure.  Total loss of self-control.  If I can't/won't/don't take care of myself, how can I ever be an example for my kids of a healthy lifestyle?  I have become completely sedentary.  I'm exhausted all.the.time whether I sleep enough or not.  I'm powering my body with complete crap and I wonder why I feel like complete crap.  Why I look like complete crap.  Also, I have a predisposition for Type II Diabetes.  I had gestational diabetes with both pregnancies.  I don't want to drive down Diabetes Lane so the time is now to start moving towards healthier choices every day.  I have to make this a priority.  

Taking care of myself...I would add that I desperately need to take better care of my hygiene. Okay, that makes it sound like I'm gross and dirty.  What I need to do is floss daily....okay weekly would be an improvement.  I need to take my contacts out (because I rarely do).  I need to wash my face every night before I go to bed (because I'm tired of having teenager skin).  

~Personal/Recreational~

Blogging... I love doing it but I don't make time for it.  This relates to the one above, but after the kids go to bed at night, I'm so tired, fat, and lazy, that I end up laying on the couch with some dumb t.v. show on in the background while I play on my phone.  Facebook. Games.  Whatever.  Time wasters.  Sure, it's fun and I do enjoy those things to unwind but for hours?  That's pathetic and I know it.  I enjoy blogging and editing photos.  So why am I not doing that?  Laziness.  

Photography...I love pictures.  My fear is that my children will grow up and I won't remember their sweet faces, that mature so much from week to week and month to month.  I got a DSLR camera two years ago and have vowed ever since to learn how to use it in Manual. But I haven't and I don't.  I really want to do this for myself and for my kids.  I want to take pictures of my kids at least once a week and I want to start printing and framing up current photos of the boys more regularly.

Me time...I am terrible about budgeting time and money for myself.  I will spend on the boys and groceries and things for the house, but I rarely buy anything for myself.  New bras. Make up. Haircuts. Clothes. Massages.  The list goes on.  I do not take care of myself. Period.  I would hate my fashion sense if I had one.  The clothes hanging in my closet are a sad excuse for the wardrobe of a 32 year old professional woman.  I need to branch out, accessorize, and try some new styles every once in a while.

~Relationships~

Friends... I put so much energy into my family life that I have severely neglected other relationships.  This dumb texting generation has all but ended voice to voice conversations with my friends.  I'll be the first to admit that I'm the world's worst about picking up the phone and calling someone just to say hi or see how his or her day was.  It's come to the point that I'd just rather send a quick text so I can sit my phone down and go play with my kids or load the dishwasher or play Words With Friends and check to see if said friend has responded when it is convenient for me.  Even sending an email seems like too much to ask anymore. Takes too much time.  This is so sad to me and I'm so guilty of it.  I'd like to make a goal to call at least one person per week just to say hi...this does not include my hubby or mother, the two people that I do talk to on a regular basis.  In addition to calling them on the phone, I would like to make some time to spend time with friends WITHOUT kids.  I love playdates as much as the next crazy toddler mom, but there's something to be said for spending time with just grownups from time to time. 

Love... I do love my husband. Wow, just re-reading what I've already written here, it's safe to say that I don't put much effort into impressing him.  I think it's important to continue dating and flirting and trying to impress your spouse.  We're going on 10(!!!) years of marriage in 2013 and still going strong.  I love our life together with the kids.  But our life as a couple leaves a lot to be desired.  Our lives revolve around our kids.  I know they will not be little for long but maintaining the spark we had before they came along has to take priority at some point.  Because ... they won't be little for long.  We won't live with them forever.  We will live with each other forever so we need to like, not just love, each other forever.  Don't get me wrong, our relationship is not troubled. We are fine.  But we can't let life get in the way so much that we don't ever feel the way we did 10 years ago.  We need to go on a date at least 1 time each month.  Even if it's just a couple of hours.  We need to be able to stare at each other, hold hands while we walk through the mall, and hug in the middle of the store for no reason.  Instead of always catching that sippy cup Dexter just launched before it hits the waitress.  Instead of pushing the stroller or chasing Theo through the furniture store.  So I need some help on this one.  I need some babysitters to watch these kids every once in a while so we can just have an evening to just. BE. without being stressed.  I am totally up for a kid swap with friends...take turns watching the others' kids to get a date night in?  Any takers?

~Household~

Organization... I want to organize and de-clutter this house.  Get rid of junk that has no purpose.  I read a good tip on facebook....turn all of your hangers around the wrong way but hang them up correctly after laundering and in a year (I think it said six months but I'd give it a year), any clothes that are still backwards get donated.  I'm good about going through the boys clothes and cleaning out their dressers, but that's because they are perpetually outgrowing.  I'm terrible about doing this with my clothes.  I want to throw away trash (mail) daily and keep our bill-paying area clean. I don't want to waste another second in search of stamps, checks, or envelopes. Yes, we still pay a lot of our bills by mail.  Nutty, right!?

Groceries & Cooking... I really, really, really, really (is four reallys enough to get the point across?) want to start menu planning and grocery shopping accordingly. I recently started doing some grocery shopping online  and I LOVE this.  You can review what's in your cart and how much you are spending before you check out -- something I am TERRIBLE about at the store.  You can print off coupons and use them before your delivery -- I always forget coupons when I go to the store.  Also, they deliver the groceries right to your countertops... priceless in the blizzard we had last week!  Anyway, I want to use a lot less boxed/frozen/processed stuff and a whole lot more ingredients in what my kids (and us grown ups too) eat.  

Style.... this kind of goes along with the fashion thing I mentioned before.  I don't know what my decorating style/taste is.  I see a million things on Pinterest or displays in stores that I love but I have no idea how to create a comprehensive design for my home.  I have a huge canvas but no clue what to do with it.  I want my house to have a wow factor when people see it for the first time.  Not just a oh, this is a big room, but a WOW, how cool and unique and colorful and fabulous. We are not anywhere close to that.  Just something I want to work on a little bit at a time this year. 

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And with all of that being said, and if you are still reading, thank you.  And I'm sorry for being absent for the last six weeks.  I'm going to try to do better.  I don't even know where to start with all of this, but I'm thinking about joining the gym again.  Gotta start somewhere.  Any help, support, fingers crossed, well wishes, etc. would be appreciated.  

happiest new year to you,

~C~